10 ridiculous elf on the shelf ideas
Please add “elf on the shelf” to the list of shit our parents didn’t have to do and now we HAVE to do it.
Do you know a family that doesn’t do this ridiculous tradition? No. Everyone does it. Congrats to the people who thought of the idea. I’m sure they are gazillionaires by now and living on their own island with beautiful beaches all around them.
It’s actually created by a mom and her twin daughters. They have a pretty cute story – http://fortune.com/2012/12/12/elf-on-the-shelf-founders-sleigh-ride-to-success/ < if you care
Well, here’s my list of the elf on the shelf ideas that I personally think are over the top and frankly a waste of time. How much time do you get without your kids at your house each day? It’s minimal and I like to spend that time taking a shower alone or watching trash TV, not posing a toy elf around my house —
- Ha. That sure looks fun. But seriously, who owns those little puff balls? and the perfect size little basket for the “ball pit”? Impossible to do without a trip to target in the middle of the night. – Source
2. This one is called the “elf rock wall”. No, I need those bows for presents. PLUS what if they don’t come off the glass without leaving a mark. Then I’m spending the next night with a bucket of hot water and soap scraping it off. And then an additional hour figuring out what to do with the damn elf next. No thanks.
3. The shitter? Yeah. Talk about a sticky mess and GOD FORBID your kid actually flushes the toilet when they find the elf in the morning. I’m sure the plumbers stay in business with this one. –Source
4. This one isn’t even actually that clear to me. So you fill your sink with what? Marshmallows? and then you have a bowl of homemade cookies and a sign about the elf? Yeah, there goes 2 hours of your night. Good luck not looking like shit at work the next day. Source
5. This is just gross and a waste of a perfectly good wine glass. Just fill the glass with wine and then move the elf randomly around your house like I do.
6. Do you have a helium machine in your house? Is it called a helium machine? I don’t even know. I don’t even know how you would do this one? Get outta here.
7. With this one, you use the back side of a icing tube to cut tiny little sugar cookie dough and cook them, then fucking frost them, and then add some fucking sprinkles and boom – you’re awake and baking tiny mini cookies at 1am. And you’re acting like a crazy person making tiny little cookies for a toy elf for fucks sake. But seriously, if you want the recipe and cooking instructions here’s the source.
8. This one is easy. Just litter your kitchen with fucking post-it notes. Seriously. This elf is about to be kicked out of the house if he keeps this shit up.
9. These elves wrapped the kids backpacks in wrapping paper. No. Don’t even get me started on wrapping paper. I hate it. It’s seriously the least environmentally friendly thing that we do every year. Such a waste! But, okay, I’m not a grinch. I get it for presents. It’s fun to wrap JUST A FEW so the kids can open them. But this. This is a blatant waste of paper and therefore trees and frankly a pointless waste of time.
10. And the grand finale. Here you make fake snow and write in it and somehow draw the outline of the elf. Seriously have we all gone mad?
After writing and doing the “research” for this post has really made me question the lengths we will go to for our kids. Seriously, ya’ll are nuts, but I love you for it. To the moms and dads staying up all night planning extravagant poses for these damn elves. And to the moms and dads that are excited to wake their kids up and see their faces when they see that silly elf. I salute you. You deserve a gold star.
Me, I’m just going to keep moving my elf from shelf to stocking to christmas tree each night and be proud of myself for actually remembering to move him.